And then we drink...

prismatic-bell:

wormpdf:

I work nights and often think of this.

While you sleep, I make sure the things you buy can reach you. And while I sleep, you make the purchases that keep me in a job.

funnytwittertweets:

pluckywallflower:

This is the legality that always gets me: A deceased person cannot be forced to use their organs to save someone’s life. It’s sacred body autonomy. The federal government now says a woman must use her organs to support potential life. Women have fewer rights than dead bodies.

90svoorhees-deactivated20230616:

schulzian-deactivated20211126:

She commented “literally” and it felt like a kiss

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.

Hairdresser: pretty simple

Me: this is chemistry

Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way

Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?

Me: apprentice

Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?

Me: I didn’t know that was a thing

Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.

Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator. 

Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?

Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs

Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen? 

Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer

Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?

Me: yeah

Hairdresser: while still in school?

Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases

Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine 

Me: oh thank god

Five Minutes Later

Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves

Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?

Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one

second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious

Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us

Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that

your hair is going to look incredible

funnytwittertweets:

pettydavis:

themoonandantartica:

I told my friend I wanted to get back with my ex a couple years ago and she told me “like a dog to it’s own vomit 😔” and theres still a patch in my scalp

this post literally grabbed hold of my bones and shook them inside my body

wholeheartedsuggestions:

monsieurenjlolras:

wholeheartedsuggestions:

trying to have the same mindset as “just cut your hair, it’ll grow back” when making decisions. they’re not all make or break.

but if I don’t order the correct sandwich at this coffee shop my life will be destroyed

buy every sandwich just in case

remanence-of-love:

Anonymous asked: You're a little obsessed with yourself, aren't you?

andrewquo:

well no one else is gonna do it